Rosebud

Written on February 18, 2015 at 12:48 pm, by lynn.gordon

Oh, so they have Internet on computers now! I like my beer cold, my TV loud and my homosexuals flaming. We started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended up in tragedy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel. He didn’t give you gay, did he? Did he?!

A Fish Called Selma

Stan Lee never left. I’m afraid his mind is no longer in mint condition. Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Thank you, steal again. Save me, Jeebus.

  • I don’t like being outdoors, Smithers. For one thing, there’s too many fat children.
  • Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me?

Selma’s Choice

Thank you, steal again. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! No children have ever meddled with the Republican Party and lived to tell about it. Duffman can’t breathe! OH NO!

Rosebud

I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die. Last night’s “Itchy and Scratchy Show” was, without a doubt, the worst episode *ever.* Rest assured, I was on the Internet within minutes, registering my disgust throughout the world. Don’t kid yourself, Jimmy. If a cow ever got the chance, he’d eat you and everyone you care about! Oh, a *sarcasm* detector. Oh, that’s a *really* useful invention! D’oh.

  1. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It’s what separates us from the animals…except the weasel.
  2. I’m allergic to bee stings. They cause me to, uh, die.
Rosebud

I prefer a vehicle that doesn’t hurt Mother Earth. It’s a go-cart, powered by my own sense of self-satisfaction. Look out, Itchy! He’s Irish! Homer no function beer well without. Yes! I am a citizen! Now which way to the welfare office? I’m kidding, I’m kidding. I work, I work. But, Aquaman, you cannot marry a woman without gills. You’re from two different worlds… Oh, I’ve wasted my life.

Selma’s Choice

Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? Homer no function beer well without. How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill A Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin…but what good does *that* do me? Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me!

Aaah! Natural light! Get it off me! Get it off me! Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try. Oh, so they have Internet on computers now!